No More, No Less
by sadhetalian
Summary: It was only supposed to be a one-night-stand. No more, no less. That's what America tells himself. Follow his journey as he comes to terms as to what life and love mean - and whether they're worth it. RusAme. Very mature. Includes abuse, suicide, self-harm, coarse language, and a brief, extra-mature scene at the end. Trigger warning. Don't read if you don't want to cry.
1. Chapter 1

A.P.O.V.

It was only supposed to be a one-night-stand, no more, no less. It was good, yeah, but I wasn't going to crawl back and beg for more. So why? Why did my heart beat harder every time I thought about him? Why? The only reasonable response... impossible. I wasn't even going to follow that line of thought. He was just another one-night-stand. Nothing for my thoughts to linger on. ...Right? Wrong. Very wrong.

.o0O0o.

R.P.O.V.

I sat at my desk, staring at the paper in front of me. I hated homework. Especially math. I sighed and leaned back in my chair. I jumped when someone knocked on my door. Covering my eyes with an arm, I spoke. "Come in." I pretty much growled the words, but the person opened the door anyways. I uncovered my eyes and glared at the newcomer. "What do you want, Prussia?" He returned my glare.  
"Well you are possibly the most rude country on the planet. I would leave in disgust, but I have business to discuss with you."  
I could think of a few other, far more annoying countries, including the one standing in front of me, but curiosity made me hold my tongue. "Get it over with, da?"  
He sighed. "Last night."  
I waited for him to continue. When he didn't, I spoke. "Da?"  
He flopped onto the bed despite my growled command to get off. "America didn't deserve that."  
I sighed. "I am shocked. You are finally thinking about someone other than yourself, da?"  
He threw one of my pillows at me. I caught it easily. "Shut up. It's just that... Birdie is America's brother. They are very close, and it would hurt Birdie if you hurt America. Otherwise, the awesome me would be fine if you killed him."  
I threw the pillow at him and he fell backwards, his head making a pleasing thump against the wall. I grinned. "I care nothing for either of them, nor you. I do not care whom I 'hurt,' da?"  
He glared at me, rubbing the back of his head. "Birdie is close to Ukraine, too. It would hurt her as well."  
I froze at the mention of my sister. My mind rushed for a response. Finding one, I spoke. "What is done cannot be undone. I will care for Ukraine, and you will care for this 'Birdie.' Do not bother me about this further or I will be unhappy, da?"  
He stood, fists balled. "Shut up and go apologize."  
I sneered. "Nyet."  
He raised a fist as thought to punch me, and I prepared for a fight. A knock was heard at the dorm door, though, and our heads whipped to the sound. He lowered his fist as I went to answer the door.  
A blonde man blinked up at me with his hand raised as though to knock again. He opened his mouth to say something, but Prussia pushed past me to embrace the blonde. "Birdie!" I stepped back, trying to keep my personal space. This was the person Prussia had called 'Birdie?'  
He was small and blonde, with wavy hair and a stubborn, curly cowlick. He wore glasses, a red maple-leaf hoodie, and jeans. I noticed a white animal trailing at his heels. This small man was America's brother? Though I could see a small resemblance in their blue eyes and blonde hair, I could hardly believe it. This man seemed small and meek, while America had a strong build and a loud voice. They were polar opposites.  
I established eye contact with the Prussian, who glared at me but still let go of the blonde. "Birdie, are you thirsty?" The blonde nodded. "Why don't you go get a drink? I got you some Fanta. It's in the fridge." The blonde's head swiveled from Prussia to me and back. Prussia maintained his glare the whole time, so, of course, I maintained my glare as well.  
"Gil..." Prussia turned his head toward the blonde but kept his eyes trained on me.  
He smiled and said, "Don't worry, Birdie. I'll be with you in a sec." He looked between the two of us again, hesitated, and nodded. Prussia smiled and squeezed the blonde's shoulder. He started to walk away, and Prussia returned his full attention to me.  
"You will apologize to America. You will make sure he heals fully. And you will not complain."  
I sneered. "Make me."  
He raised a fist and the punch flew. I felt pain as his fist connected with my face, splitting my lip. I could feel a warm, sticky liquid drip down my face, and I wiped It away with the back of my hand. I lifted my fists in a fighting position and spit blood towards him. He growled and lunged towards me again. He tried to push me off balance with a strong punch to the stomach, but I grabbed his wrist and twisted. He cried out before biting his lip and struggling away. Rotating his injured wrist, he growled again. I sneered and spoke.  
"It's such a big deal that I fucked up America? Wonder how you would react if I did the same to your little boyfriend."  
He snarled and went to throw himself at me, but the blonde chose that moment to come out of nowhere and hold his arms back. I was surprised at the strength he exhibited by holding back the strong Prussian, but didn't linger on the thought. I took the moment to deliver a sharp blow to Prussia's stomach. He bent in two and coughed something up. The blonde gave a cry of "Prussia!" but didn't let go of his arms. Prussia eventually straightened up and glared at me, struggling to get away from the blonde to attack me. He was snarling words as he fought against the boy.  
"God damn you, you Devil! Never, ever talk about Mattie that way! I will kill you for that!"  
Grinning evilly, I punched him again, this time in the face. I heard a satisfying crack as his nose broke. I went to strike him again, but I felt someone take a firm hold of my arms in an attempt to hold me back. Taking advantage of my predicament, Prussia spat out an insult.  
"I will make sure someone screws Ukraine so hard she'll be bleeding for weeks."  
I knew my similar comment had made him angry, but this just made me see red. I couldn't control myself as I twisted in the person's grip to punch him in the face, subconsciously noting his glasses shatter and nearly fly into his blue eyes. I rushed to Prussia, pushing away the blonde before shoving Prussia to the ground, hearing his head hit the hardwood floor. I felt my knuckles split as I punched my fists into his face again and again. He raised his arms in a poor attempt to defend himself, but I hit him hard enough for his arms to hit his face with force. I felt people pulling at my arms, but I just kept punching at the Prussian. Eventually, someone grabbed my arm as I pulled it back to punch Prussia again. The person spun me around and punched me in the face. I fell backwards onto the floor as somewhere in my brain distantly registered pain. I felt the person punch me in the face again and again much in the same manner as I had to Prussia. I felt numb. I could hardly feel the pain, and I didn't care about the amount I felt. I just lay there, emotionless and numb, as I felt my nose crack and my lip split several more times. I felt empty and tired and numb. I was mentally exhausted.

.o0O0o.

Translations:

Russian-

I'm sure you've read enough fanfics and watched enough Hetalia to know what they mean, but da means yes and nyet means no. I included this because one time I was reading a fanfic where France called England Angleterre, and the author said that, "You've probably read enough fanfics to know what that means," and left it at that. At the time, I didn't know what that meant, so that really pissed me off. So, yeah. Da=yes, nyet=no. Remember that. I'm not saying it again.

French-

Angleterre means England.

.o0O0o.

Hi! This is the first fanfic I've uploaded to this website. Actually, the first fanfic I've ever uploaded. So, yeah. Holy crap. Constructive criticism is welcomed. Outright criticism is not, however. I'm not going to ask you to go easy since this is my first time. Nah, spew out all your shit at me! I won't mind. Okay, I might, but I won't let you know. Anyways, story. What do you guys think? I wrote this in, like, two days. The whole story. I'll upload the rest soon, but it's all written, and I've even started a sequel. So look out for that later, too. And don't leave me reviews saying, "Oh, so-and-so should do such-and-such!" because unless it was in the original, it's not happening. I'm not changing anything other than grammatical errors. And accents. A friend recently told me that accents in stories and confusing and annoying, so I left that out. Plus I don't really know how to write Prussia's accent. SO. No accents. Also, I'm going to ask a question. If you get that question, I will write down one request from you and write a one-shot about it later. You ready? Let's do this!  
Question 1:  
Who is America's brother?  
Leave your reviews!

This is the first chapter from sadhetalian.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, I forgot to mention last time, but the characters are REALLY OOC. Just warning you.

.o0O0o.

A.P.O.V.

"Alfred." I felt someone tug at my arm. I ignored them. "Alfred," the person repeated, louder this time. I ignored him again. "Alfred!" His equivalent of a shout was heard. I ignored him. "Alfred, stop!"

I finally registered his words. I did stop, and then I collapsed onto Russia's chest. I felt something wet something wet running down my cheeks and soaking Russia's shirt. Tears? I was crying? The realization only made me cry harder.

"I'm sorry," I whispered into his chest. "I'm so sorry." I sobbed into his shirt as he just lay there without reaction.

I could hear Mattie speaking in soft tones to the still unconscious Prussia. Eventually Prussia regained consciousness, but I just kept crying into Russia's shirt. He was still unresponsive. After some time, I was too tired for any more tears. I lay there, collapsed on Russia's chest, until I passed out from exhaustion.

R.P.O.V.

My shirt was wet. There was weight on my chest. America? Were those tears that had soaked my shirt?

My mind was slowly regaining its previous responsiveness. I raised a hand and put it on the blonde head lying on my chest. He balled my shirt in his hands.

"Amerika?" I felt his chest widen and shrink as he took in a deep breath before letting it out as a sigh. "Are you alright?" I heard him mumble something. "What?"

I leaned in as he repeated himself again and again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I am so sorry, Russia."

"Amerika?" I was confused. He shook his head, just repeating himself again and again. I was genuinely puzzled. "What are you apologizing for, Amerika?" He sighed again, but just continued to repeat himself. He sighed once more and stopped talking. Eventually, I felt him take a deep breath as if he were about to speak, but another voice beat him to it.

"Russia. Birdie and I are going to the clinic. If you or America are coming, get up and hurry up."

I looked up to see Prussia holding a scarlet-soaked towel to his face. His nose was badly broken, twisted off to the side, and there was a large gash above his eye, as well as his multiply split lips.

"You look like shit, da?" He frowned for a moment, but loosened his muscles as he discovered that the pose hurt.

"Thanks to you. You look pretty horrible yourself."

I shrugged, feeling America's head shift on my chest. "I will be ready in a moment, da?"

He nodded and walked towards the kitchen.

I sighed and looked down at the blonde on my chest. "Amerika?"

He sighed and slowly pushed himself up. "I'll ready in a sec."

I noticed that the frames of his glasses were bent out of shape and had no left lense, and the right one was badly cracked. There were small, red cuts all around his eyes, and a few had glass sticking out of them. The lense? And then I remembered punching the man who had tried to hold me back, seeing his glasses shatter, seeing his blue eyes fly shut in an attempt to protect them. That had been America. I felt a sudden surge of guilt, but quickly pushed it away. Guilt would make me suffer.

A few minutes later, our small group of four set out to the clinic.

I was silent, walking straight and undeterred.

Prussia was quietly hissing curse words under his breath as he cradled the red towel to his wounded face.

Canada was walking quietly, clutching the white animal that I had seen earlier to his chest. I saw a few ugly yellow bruises forming to match his already black eye. Holding struggling people means a few elbows to the face sometimes.

America walked completely silently, not saying anything. His shoulders slumped, as if he wished he could just melt into himself and disappear.

I wanted to talk to him, but not with Prussia and Canada right there. He didn't speak to me, either, so we both walked in silence.

A.P.O.V.

When we got to the clinic, the nurse completely flipped. Soon we had a team of over-reacting women treating us.

They insisted on Prussia going to the hospital for stitches and his badly broken nose, and they nearly sent Russia as well. His nose was slightly fractured, and he had a small wound on his forehead as well as a fist imprint on his cheek and a black eye, which was apparently enough to go to the hospital. He silenced them with a glare.

They fussed over me, worried that glass from the broken lense had gotten into my eye. None had, thought there was a small piece stuck in my eyelid.

They insisted on plucking each piece of glass out of each cut with a sharp pair of tweezers. I winced at the first one but managed to keep a poker face for all the others.

Oh well. I deserved the pain, after all.

.o0O0o.

Yay, chapter two is done! Sorry it took me so long, but my writing app was acting up quite a bit. Not to mention Spring Break. So, yeah. Sorry. But here it is! I hope you enjoyed it. Anyways, the last question was:  
Who is America's brother?  
The answer is... drumroll please... Canada! Sadly, the only person who answered was Stylexo. Please, more people answer this time! So, the question now is:  
Who is Canada's "papa?"  
Please answer! You get a one-shot if you do!

Thank you for reading. This is another chapter from sadhetalian.


	3. Chapter 3

A.P.O.V.

When we got to the clinic, the nurse completely flipped. Soon we had a team of over-reacting women treating us. They insisted on Prussia going to the going to the hospital for stitches and his badly broken nose, and they nearly sent Russia as well.

His nose was slightly fractured, and he had a small wound on his forehead as well as a black eye, which was apparently enough to go to the hospital. He silenced them with a glare.

They fussed over me, worried that glass from the broken lense had gotten into my eye. None had, though there was a small piece stuck in my eyelid.

They insisted on plucking each piece of glass out of each cut with a sharp pair of tweezers. I winced at the first one but managed to keep a poker face for all the others.

Oh, well. I deserved the pain, after all.

R.P.O.V.

I felt a small tinge of worry upon seeing America wince. That had to be painful…

I jerked out of those thoughts upon realizing I had them. Why did I care if he was in pain? That wasn't my problem.

With a sigh, I turned my head away from the blonde only to see an albino. He glared at me, obviously ignoring the pain from the gash above his eye. "Russia."

I sighed again. "Da?"

"I'm going to forgive you this once. Just this once. Don't expect it again."

I blinked, surprised. "Alright"

He continued speaking. "I still expect you to apologize to America, though, as well as me and Birdie. You've hurt all of us now."

I considered refusing, but decided that it would be more trouble than it was worth. "Alright. I am sorry."

He jerked back in surprise at having won so easily. "What?"

"You heard me, da?"

He hesitated before nodding.

I turned my head and ignored him after that. And, of course, America was right in my line of sight. Why was he so damn distracting?

I sighed and decided to get it over with. I stood and walked towards him as soon as the nurses let him alone. "Amerika."

The look he gave me was halfway towards a glare. It surprised me.

"What do you want," he growled out.

I was confused. "Why are you being so hostile?"

He looked away, the half glare still painted on his face. "Why are you bothering me?"

Sighing, I prepared myself to get it over with. "I am sorry."

His head whipped back towards me and his blue eyes widened in surprise. "What?"

I sighed. "I am not repeating myself, da?"

He hesitated for a moment before slumping his shoulders and looking away, seemingly losing all interest in what I had said.

I stayed for a moment, and heard him whisper, "I'm the one that should apologize."

I tilted my head to the side curiously. I was intrigued and confused. I wanted to press further, but the sad look on his face stopped me from prying.

With another sigh, I stood and walked away.

.o0O0o.

Chapter three done. What do you guys think? I hope it's good. I really hope I'm not wasting my time. Not much of which I'm actually giving you. I'm sorry I haven't uploaded in forever! I was on a band trip to Florida. I have successfully invaded America's vital regions. And, no Danie Smith, it is not bad that you are not crying at this. I haven't gotten anywhere near the really sad parts.

Anyways, last week's question was:

Who is Canada's "Papa?"

The answer is… drumroll please… FRANCE! That frog. The only person who answered was: jamathis. If you want me to write you a one-shot, leave a comment on what you want it to be about. Anyways, this week's question is:

What is the name of England's rabbit?

Please answer. Remember: One-shot.

Thank you for reading. This is another chapter from sadhetalian.


	4. Chapter 4

A.P.O.V.

I turned my head to watch him leave. Half of my heart was glad he left without question. The other half, on the other hand, almost wished he had asked. I figured that if he had asked that I would have cried again, though, so I was mostly glad he just left without question.

Really, I had questions, too. Why was he apologizing? Sure he broke my glasses, but they could be fixed or replaced. I had no major damage to my face. Was he apologizing for last night? Was he sorry that it happened? Was he sorry that he…. Hurt me? Broke me? Scarred me mentally and physically? Was he sorry for my pain? Was I?

R.P.O.V.

I dreamt of blood.

More of a nightmare, actually. I dreamt that America was covered in blood again. I could hear his cries of pain, and I didn't care.

That was the worst part. I didn't care how much I hurt him, how many scars I had left. I knew for a fact that he would have several crescent moons left on his hips and thighs for the rest of his life, yet I only dug my nails in deeper. I heard his cries of pain, yet only thrust harder.

This was for me, right? So why was I regretting it so much? I had done the same to others, but I didn't worry about _them_ afterwards. So why was America different? I had smiled cruelly when I saw the pain in their eyes, the sight of how I utterly broke them. And I had smiled, like a little girl pulling the heads off her dolls.

But America… he was so strong. He had confidence. He was a challenge to break, yet I had done so and now I regretted it so much. There was something different in his eyes, a certain amount of hurt and hate and sadness. Others held the sadness, the pain, but the hate was so strong in him… yet I felt none of it overflow towards me. Who was this hate for? Me? I was sure if he hated me, I would have known by now. A brutal fist-fight, injuries, insults, yet he cried and apologized. Why? What did he have to apologize for?

My thoughts and questions multiplied by the minute, and I tried to slip away.

.o0O0o.

Chapter four, done! So, four chapters. We've hardly even gotten into the story. This'll take a while. But y'all will stick with me for the long haul, right? …..Right? Anyways, sorry I didn't upload last week. One of my friends stole my computer so I couldn't upload. Next time I'll beat her if she tries to steal my computer. No worries.

No one answered the question last week. So, I'll ask it again.

What is the name of England's rabbit?

Please answer this time. You'll get a one-shot.

Thank you for reading. This is another chapter from sadhetalian.


	5. Chapter 5

Okay guys. This is where this story starts to get a bit more angsty. And yes, the writing sucks. Oh well. But still. This has trigger warnings. TRIGGER WARNINGS. If you're sensitive to that sort of thing, leave now. I am not the one to blame if you get affected by this. I wrote it. You read it. Anyways, on a somewhat lighter note, the characters are so OOC it's not even funny. I basically took their basics and molded everything else to my liking. Okay. I'm gonna let you read now. Good luck.

.o0O0o.

A.P.O.V.

I sat silently until I heard Japan go back into his room and start playing Halo again. Then I crept to the opposite wall and put my ear against it. I listened for Italy's slight snore, but found nothing. He was probably over at Germany's again. Why wouldn't they just get together already? It pissed me off so-

...Shit. I was talking like a girl. Like freaking Elizabeta. That chick has an unhealthy obsession with gay guys. I sighed. That was worrying.

I knew Greece wouldn't be awake until around noon, so I didn't have to worry about him.

Wait. Worry about him? Why should I worry about him? Hold on...

Fuck. I had a razor blade to my wrist. I felt my pulse rise. My breath came harder and more forced. My vision swam and I saw stars. I could feel the tip of the blade biting into my skin. A drop of scarlet formed and dripped down my arm. I took a deep, shaky breath. I didn't want to do it. I didn't. But that blessed feeling of pain... that beautiful sight of scarlet...

I pulled the blade across my wrist.

R.P.O.V.

I sat on my unmade bed and smiled cruelly. "What do you want to talk about?"

His anger seemed to return. "America," he hissed through gritted teeth.

I sighed inwardly. Everyone wanted to talk about America, recently. The blonde was more trouble than he was worth. That's what I told myself, at least. Did I really believe it?

"Go on."

He dug his fingers into the chair. "You hurt him."

I kept my poker face. "And so I have done to many others, da?"

He growled when he spoke. "This is my younger brother we're talking about."

I cocked my head and smiled. "I know."

"And you hurt him."

"Da."

His knuckles were turning white from his tightening grip on the chair. "And you don't care."

I didn't answer.

"You hurt him and you don't even care." His voice was slowly rising in volume.

This time I answered in a quiet voice. "That is a lie."

England took a deep breath and answered in a softer tone. "What?"

I repeated myself, louder this time. "That is a lie, da? I do care."

He scowled at me. "And I'm the Queen. You don't care about anyone or anything."

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm myself. "I care about my sisters, da?"

His glare deepened. "They're your family. Of course you care about them. Outside of them, though, you don't bloody care."

I sighed. "You cannot prove that."

He delivered his best death glare, monstrous brows furrowing deeply. "Neither can you."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and resisted the urge to sigh. We sat in silence for a moment, neither of us able to prove a point.

He broke the silence.

"I will tell you what. I have ten questions. You have to answer each copletely and utterly honestly. Alright?"

I hesitated, but I knew he had a point to this game. If I refused, it would make me seem like a liar. If I accepted, I had to tell the truth.

I tightened my jaw. "Da. I will play your little game. I will tell all truths. I swear on my sister's lives."

He gave a swift nod. "Alright. Let's get started then."

.o0O0o.

DUNDUNDUUUUUUUUUUUN

Holy shit that was a serious chapter. Like, oh my god. Anyways, sorry for the long wait. School just recently got out, and that's where I usually uploaded because my laptop is a bitch. Female dog. Excuse me. But my laptop's being nice now and I can upload again! For now. So yeah. If I don't upload for a while, you'll know why. On to the question.

Last week's question was:

What was England's outfit in season five of Hetalia?

Okay, I didn't specify the episode. I meant a specific one (I don't remember the number, but it was the one where they all had to dress up in weird clothes), but I didn't say it. And that season hasn't been released as dubbed yet. I myself watched it subbed before it was released in America (has it even been released here yet?) so yeah. If you put his normal uniform or his weird outfit, you got it right. And the only person who answered answered correctly. This is: A Nonny Mouse Fangirl. So yeah. You get a one-shot.

And this week's question is:

What is your favorite Prussia headcanon?

I know that's not a real trivia question, but whatever. I wanna know. And please, more people answer this time! You get a free one-shot! Btw, I'm getting to writing those, so don't worry if you've earned one and it hasn't been published yet. It'll be out soon.

Oh, and tell me if you want the chapters longer or shorter or the same. I have more freedom now that I have pretty much unlimited time to type.

Bye!


	6. Sorry

SO.

My laptop screwed everything up and the version of this story that I've been uploading (supposedly) (sorry about that) has been pretty much completely deleted.

_BUT._

I rewrote the story, keeping most of the story the same and just adding a lot of things. I only completely rewrote a few chapters completely.

Anyways, this version of the story is a no go. Sorry. The rewritten version of the story, however, is what I'm going to try and upload. And I know I'm pretty sketchy on when I'll upload, but I swear that I will _try _to upload every week, probably on weekends, but pretty much whenever. So. Please, if you like this story, go check out the revised version of it when I upload it. I personally think that that version is a _lot _better than this version, and I hope you think so too.

So yeah. Please keep reading my stuff.

This is another "chapter" from sadhetalian.


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